100 Incidents of Being in Love - Manushya Puthiran

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After I have been in love with you, a hundred things have changed or a hundred incidents are taking place in my life.

1.      I am always
Recounting a lie

2.      I am awaiting something,
 even in sleep

3.      Whenever I go for shopping
I anticipate that there could be something
You may like

4.      There is always
Something I need to hide

5.      To board a bus
an auto or
a taxi
I am always waiting, anxiously

6.      I wonder how even I could

7.      I trash that which was
Once very precious to me

8.      I obsess over
Betrayals, always

9.      I fondle my private parts
As if it were
A stranger’s hand

10.  I wilt
In times of rain

11.  I keep churning out
 poetic dialogues
Like a character

12.  I keep practicing
 shades of emotions
Like a thespian

13.  I underline
Lines in books
That I would quote to you

14.  I am constantly
Proving myself to you

15.  I always pester
You for
Some proof of your love

16.  Are you the last person of my life?
I am bewildered

17.  I don’t keep account
Of my expenses
As I used to once

18.  I feel like bursting into tears
Though without reasons

19.  I feel like laughing out
Though I can’t find a cause

20.  When I choose my undies
I wonder whether they suit
Your taste

21.  I find a way of
coupling you with a line from any song
I happen to listen

22.  I practise the adventure
Of giving you a full kiss
Unbeknown to a thousand people surrounding us

23.  Amidst a hundred bystanders
In the blink of an eye
I hug and slip away from you

24.  I use a toothpaste
That is specially flavoured

25.  I use a shampoo
That is specially perfumed

26.  I use soaps
That have an unusual aroma

27.  I use perfumes
That have an unusual scent

28.  I scrutinize myself
In front of the mirror

29.  wearing new clothes
I stare at myself
In front of the mirror

30.  I obsess over
What you may be doing
In spaces I don’t exist

31.  How would I
Face it if you pass away suddenly,
I fret over again and again

32.  I cross the road in a hurry
Speaking to myself

33.  I love everyone
Without a reason

34.  I pardon everyone
Without a reason

35.  I am scared of those
piercing eyes of yours

36.  I walk with a racing heart
To find a moment of loneliness
In which I could think of you

37.  After spending hours
Conversing with you
I think of writing you a letter

38.  I panic so much of
Losing my way

39.  Is she leading me
To a path of self-destruction?
I wonder while being in your embrace

40.  I marvel over and over at
How I surrendered myself, so unconditionally,
to you

41.  Drunk,
I cry my eyes out

42.  In a clothes shop
I am transfixed to a dress
That may look stunning on you

43.  I notice many
Who resemble you

44.  I break into laughter
For things not half laugh worthy

45.  For the first time
I realize
I could relish a swear word

46.  Glancing at valleys
From mountain tops
I despair that
You miss them

47.  I wish
You aren’t aware
of the insults hurled at me

48.  I wish
You don’t find out the lies
 I tell you only

49.  I believe like crazy
That you are thinking of me all the time
As I do of you

50.  I check my phone
Every now and then

51.  I check your phone
and return it in a hurry

52.  How will I cross this mirage of misery?
I despair

53.  I shrink at the
Slightest neglect

54.  When a giant shadow of sorrow engulfs me
I cross it easily
Holding on to a faint memory of you

55.  I implant in you so many
Tall tales of me

56.  I am so vulnerable when
Awaiting your response to
“Why do you like me so much?”

57.  I wish I fall sick
So that you are around
To take care

58.  I am dumbfounded that
You could develop a liking to
Someone else beside me

59.  I always think that I must
Take you to a distant town
And sleep with you
Without any trepidation

60.  I don’t tire of
Recounting to you
A yarn about my former girlfriend

61.  I only half-understand
The films we watch together

62.  I crave that
Others should notice us

63.  Whatever birthday gifts I buy for you
Are either too low-priced
They do not suit you at all

64.  I desire to talk about this love
To someone, to anyone

65.  I wish I could crib of you
To anybody, to somebody

66.  I shed tears to you over
the wounds of my youth
though they have
turned mute now

67.  I pretend to hold you
Though you are quite heavy

68.  I fall asleep
While you are talking
But I could hear
every word you utter

69.  Brightly lit places
Make me timid
Low light makes me feel secure

70.  Someone extends
their love to me
Your affection’s shadow
makes me mercilessly reject it

71.  I crave so much
for your company
In a solitary trip

72.  Who would inform you
When I pass away untimely?
I am muddled

73.  I mouth your name
When calling someone else

74.  The shiny edge
Of a knife
Reminds me of your tongue

75.  In an ancient temple
Standing in front of a statue
I am stunned at the nipples
Exactly as yours

76.  I dream of
Barging in
When you are changing dress

77.  I could sense
The smell of your private parts
At the depths of water

78.  I dislike your friends
no reasons

79.  In this life, I needed you
As a reason
 to like me
Don’t I have any other reason
To like you?

80.  To think of how a beautiful moment between us
Will turn into just a memory
breaks my heart

81.  I believe that
The loveable in you is permanent
And the hateful in you
is accidental

82.  When you whip me
For my negligible betrayals
My lust for you
grows manifold

83.  After I came to know you
I observe minutely
The bodily contours of many others

84.  I ask myself many times:
Why should I be so
yielding to one?

85.  We come to love
As the water replenishing a plant
But why does it suck us dry
Like water that comes to a sandy surface?
I am puzzled

86.  I sense your eyes upon me
In places you are absent

87.  The nurses’ hands fondling my head
In a treatment room
Are like yours

88.  I think it would have been
Even better
had we met
A few years earlier

89.  What thoughts
keep you rooted
to this place, doing nothing?
I am asked often.

90.  Whenever
 our tastes differ
I raise my bar for tolerance

91.  Whenever you conceal
You aversions for me,
I hold your hands tightly

92.  I feel so lonely
When it strikes me that
Living the greatest love
We are still solitary beings

93.  Every kind of love
Has its price
Can I pay for mine?
I am fussing over all the time

94.  Standing in the presence of God
With hands joined
I could never seek anything for me
but for you

95.  My introductions of you
to someone
however I do it
always end flawed

96.  However free I am
I am always short of time

97.  Daily I need at least
ten things
to validate the existence of
this love of mine

98.  When I think of
How playfully
 we began this whole thing
I want to smack
The cheek of my insanity

99.  If a kiss
Could make my body so weightless
If a separation
Could make it so heavy
Do I possess this my body at all?
I wonder

100.                      The day you poison my drink
I have only one request,
‘Do I have the time
 to sleep with you one last time?’

Translation: R. Abilash 


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இக்கவிதையின் தமிழ் மூலம் “புலரியின் முத்தங்கள்” தொகுப்பில் உள்ளது. பக்கங்கள் 347-57